How Many Times I’ve gone Baby Hungry

I read a blog yesterday on a blog that was read regarding Baby Hunger. I felt a knot in my throat as I commented on my take on the issue. Baby Hunger is the deep need to want to have a baby. Baby hunger is experienced by women (men, too, I assume) who have already had children in the past, and by women (like myself) who have never been able to bear children.

July 1st is my anniversary, and it is a day of celebration. Yet, it is a reminder. A loud echo in the pit of my womb that 13 years have gone by, and still NO CHILD. There are many complications to the reasons why. I’ve been pregnant 3 times. Two miscarried after the first month and a half. The other one miscarried at 16 weeks (about 4 months pregnant). What can I say? It’s just been hard.

Sometimes one wishes that no one would acknowledge that fact. The hardest times are over though. I remember traveling to visit my family in Mexico. I remember the whispers, the raised eyebrows, the looks, and the comments: Married for 4 years and still no kids? “De que sirve si no puede hacer nada! (What good is it [she] if she can’t do anything [bear children])” Man did those words hurt! It was as if my only purposed was to get pregnant, and deliver.

How sad were those days where people would judge instead of comforting my loss of my baby. They would say things like, “Well, maybe if you would have taken care of yourself. If you would have not been so, busy with school, work, and church. If you would have…If you would have…If you would have…” I did not need a sermon. I did not need the “experienced comment”. All I wanted was comfort. All I wanted was an answer as to why this had happened. Then, imagine not seeing someone for a long time, and they ask, “Weren’t you pregnant?” Over and over again. Every time the question came up, the same story had to be repeated: Married?

“Yes”

How long?

“X-amount of years”

How Long???

“X-amount of years…”

And not pregnant? No babies??

“Well…”

That’s a long time! Why?

“Well, I have gotten pregnant….3 times, but have miscarried all of them.”

Oh, sorry to hear that. How far were you?

[Uh!] “Two of them about 1 1/2 months, and the other 4 months…”

That’s long time! Well, do you know why? Have you gone to the doctors? I know a good doctor….my friend had the same problem….the neighbor had the same problem…maybe it’s because of….maybe it’s because of this or that… [This one is my favorite-jk]…maybe you need to loose weight, you know, my cousin’s cousin’s friend struggled…..do this…do that…

[Trying to be polite] “I’ve done this…that… [Oh forget it, just nod, and act normal]…Thanks! I will consider it! See ya! [This was the woman at the laundromat, imagine my closer acquaintances]. Imagine how the story plays out with my relatives…

(I’ve cut this blog in two because it was so long)

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Iris
    Jun 21, 2008 @ 01:19:17

    I don’t know how you really feel cause only one that has gone through that knows, but all I can say is God ha a plan and purpose for you, remember you are His beloved child and we are no one to question his plans, people especialy relatives and “friends” are always going to say stuff, but you know who you are and God knows who you are and the great plans He has for you. As I was reading your blog this two verses came to mind:

    Rom 8:28“Y sabemos que a los que aman a Dios, todas las cosas les ayudan a bien, esto es, a los que conforme a su propósito son llamados.”

    Ecl. 3: 1-11 “Todo tiene su tiempo, y todo lo que se quiere debajo del cielo tiene su hora. Tiempo de nacer, y tiempo de morir; tiempo de plantar, y tiempo de arrancar lo plantado; tiempo de matar, y tiempo de curar; tiempo de destruir, y tiempo de edificar; tiempo de llorar, y tiempo de reír; tiempo de endechar, y tiempo de bailar; tiempo de esparcir piedras, y tiempo de juntar piedras; tiempo de abrazar, y tiempo de abstenerse de abrazar; tiempo de buscar, y tiempo de perder; tiempo de guardar, y tiempo de desechar; tiempo de romper, y tiempo de coser; tiempo de callar, y tiempo de hablar; tiempo de amar, y tiempo de aborrecer; tiempo de guerra, y tiempo de paz. ¿Qué provecho tiene el que trabaja, de aquello en que se afana? Yo he visto el trabajo que Dios ha dado a los hijos de los hombres para que se ocupen en él. Todo lo hizo hermoso en su tiempo; y ha puesto eternidad en el corazón de ellos, sin que alcance el hombre a entender la obra que ha hecho Dios desde el principio hasta el fin”.

    LLavez, no te preocupes que Dios ase todo a su tiempo, y si el Mundo va hablar pues que hable, que acabo tu sabes quien te define a Ti! Tu eres la niña de SUS ojos.
    Te Amo Con todo Mi corazón. Tu hermana Iris

    Reply

  2. tlc4women
    Jun 21, 2008 @ 07:00:26

    I have a different perspective. I believe you are just reaching the age where it’s time to have babies. I believe your 20’s are a time of transition and learning and how many women do we know that resent, don’t care for as well or have regrets over decisions made too early?

    I will want my children to begin to think about having their babies when they reach your age. I think they will have powerful life lessons and will be ready to really enjoy the gift that God is trying to give them. I believe your season is just beginning.

    Reply

  3. Marci
    Sep 13, 2008 @ 17:28:05

    Hi,

    I don’t want to join the crowd of invasive people, but I wanted to let you know that low progesterone is connected with constant miscarriages. I’m only saying this because I recently started practicing Fertility Awareness because I’m getting married in December (we practice abstinence, so I’m just charting now so when we marry, I won’t use birth control pills …pills don’t often agree with me), and the practitioner looked at my monthly chart of my cervical fluid, and said my notation (which showed that the last two days of my period were brown bleeding) indicated that I may have low progesterone, which, in turn, would indicate that I’m high risk for miscarriage. I also experience PMS symptoms for a full seven days, which also is a key indicator that I suffer from low progesterone. Likely, I will have to start progesterone treatments fairly soon, and when I try to conceive after I marry, I’ll have to be given progesterone treatments throughout my pregnancy to avoid miscarriage. Which the Marguerite Bourgeoys Family Centre (affiliated with the Pope Paul VI Institute For the Study of Human Reproduction) can get me after having me reassessed by one of their doctors to make sure.

    I’m honestly only writing this because I was shocked to discover this was a possible risk for me yesterday; in the frame of mind I’m in right now, I just can’t think of not telling someone who may perhaps need the same thing I’ll need something that might help.

    Forgive me if this is only causing more pain; that’s not my intention.

    Best wishes,
    Marci

    Reply

  4. kingsview
    Sep 14, 2008 @ 00:14:15

    Hi Marci!

    Do not worry, no hard feelings about your comment. If anything, I am grateful that you read and took the time to write. As you, I too have (well, when I actually have one) heavy 7 day periods with PMS.

    Thank you for sharing, and I will talk to my doctor when I go see him. I live in CA, and go to Mexico for medical reasons because I do not have insurance.

    It is encouraging to find women who are actually preparing, and lining their ducks BEFORE they get married.

    Have a great day!!! and best wishes to you too!

    I too will share later some interesting findings. Till then, God Bless!

    -Cruz
    (Kingsview)

    Reply

  5. Marci
    Sep 14, 2008 @ 06:36:08

    Hi again Cruz,

    I’m so sorry – I live in Canada, so I completely forgot that in the US healthcare insurance is expensive; over here, health care is all covered by the government.

    The center that’s helping me out is in Canada, but the institute that created the Fertility awareness method I’m using and have been taught by this centre (Creighton model NaProTechnology….which is 100% scientifically based), is actually in the states!

    Here’s one link: http://www.popepaulvi.com/services.htm
    and another link: http://www.popepaulvi.com/fcco.htm

    The second link says that services are never ever denied because of inability to pay. And for all you know, they may have a center in Mexico that’s affiliated with them.

    Interestingly enough, I’m not Catholic – I’m protestant, and I attend a church that’s more like a blend between “baptist” and “pentecostal” than anything else. But I was really struck by the commitment of the Catholics to woman’s health and reproduction. My regular doctor didn’t know anything about fertility awareness; I had to hunt around and find this center on my own, which I eventually did by asking a Catholic church in my area where I could learn about fertility awareness. Apparently, it’s very common for doctors not to know about fertility awareness (they often mistakenly think it’s the same thing as the unreliable “rhythm method”, and dismiss it altogether). I really hope and pray that your doctor is different, and knows about fertility awareness.

    I am really keen to hear about your interesting findings, and was really encouraged that you didn’t take offense to my first post. I am really reeling from shock about what the practitioner told me, but I’ve been praying since Friday about things and I’m slowly starting to remember that God is still in control. Sometimes getting unexpected news really makes it hard to remember that God is sovereign, and as I spend time in prayer, God’s been showing me that I have a lot to be thankful for. For instance, if I’d never been interested in learning a natural way of family planning for after I marry, I might’ve never learned what I’ve now learned. I really have to be thankful, even though some of the things my chart reveals are scary.

    I’m so thankful that my life is in God’s hands! I couldn’t do this on my own.

    Best wishes to you too, and I hope to hear from you again.

    Reply

  6. kingsview
    Sep 15, 2008 @ 23:44:49

    Hello Marci!!
    Canada? Wow! That’s great, and what a blessing to have access to such resources. Praise God! I too am a believer, and know that Romans 8:28 applies to me and all those who love God. ALL things work for good because we love and are called by God.

    When the doctor told me that it was normal up to 3 miscarriages to occur without being alarmed, I thought I’d die because here is my third miscarriage, and how was I supposed to just wait for “another one” to happen? It did not make sense…especially because I had prayed for others to be healed, and here I was sitting in the ER, bleeding through my pants, and where was my faith now?

    Well, I found out that my body did not produce enough hormone to detect a pregnancy on a store-bought pregnancy test. It took about 12 weeks for it to show. . Progesterone is a hormone. My doctor said that it was due to hormone imbalance. He told me that my weight and my body’s health were a big part of this imbalance. I am trying to recall when and how I took this hormone. I had to stop treatment due to other health implications. He also said that my weight was a main factor of the imbalance. I am working on this area right now.

    Just have confidence that GOD will pull you through. We will prepare all that is necessary because you have already taken steps to become aware.

    Night! God Bless you, and hope to hear from you too!

    Reply

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