“Hellooo! Where Are You My Dear?”

I’m here.  Working on time sheets, invoices, and payroll.  It’s 2 a.m. and I still have 8 hrs worth of work on my dinner table with a pile of papers to finish grading for my college class, and two presentations to streamline for my Armenian lesson tomorrow.  I just finished having one of those weird husband-employer-business partner- wife talks with Miguel trying to move forward with our “small business” striving for a productive week for our clients, our employees, and ourselves.

Honestly, I feel like shutting down and just drop the ball.  But, I can’t.  Today, I felt so ill that (“ill?” no I am not exaggerating; I was in pain) for the first time I did NOT want to go to church.  Physically, I was not up for the 9 hour day ahead of me.  Spiritually, I wanted with all my heart to release that miracle faith to receive healing.  Emotionally, well, let’s just say…I was very emotional.  I am not one to take or live off Meds, but my desperation gave way for some and quick.  I am usually at church 1/2 hour before all the worship team gets there so that I can prep myself.  Whether it is a quick make-up touch-up, a melody review, or tidy up the area, I am there early.  Yesterday, I got there FIVE minutes after our set time! Gosh, how I hate that!

Exhausted, I came home and had dinner with my hubby, my princess, and Beba.  Watched 3o minutes of one of our favorite shows, read a story to Deborah, prayed the pain away.  After our 1 a.m. talk, I felt as if I were getting lost in the midst of all the comotion around me.  As my pastors say, “the tyrany of the urgent” has been tugging at my feet while in my heart all day long, I have had to remind myself that what is important is what matters.  I asked myself the question God asked his beloved child in the garden, “Where are you my dear?”  I am here.  I am here my Lord.  You are here with me!  How I love that You love me…

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