Confession #1 of 2014

Fear has kept me from blogging. 

What? Yes. Fear of being ungrammatical. Fear of writing too much. Fear of writing too little. Fear of not having any readers. Fear of having the “certain readers”. Fear of MY OWN VOICE might be the root of all this.

You see, I’ve lacked to accept the fact that my voice carries all those elements.  It is many times not grammatically correct.  It sometimes does say too much while other times it does not say enough or anything at all.  Sometimes, I stand alone when I lift my voice.  Other times, I say things “certain people” misinterpret or add to my message. But, all in all, it is MY OWN VOICE. Unique. Beautiful. Eclectic. God-given, God-created, God-leading.  

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Dying for Comments

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I thought this was funny! I found it next to a blogger’s email tab.  Sometimes we are eager to hear what to others have to say; other times, we’d rather they not comment at all.  There are days when I ask my husband in a zillion different ways how I look, how my new pants fit, how my mineral make-up looks, how’s my hair, how’s my pedicure, how was dinner, how my shoes look….and so on.  Many times, his response is a nod or a hummed approval or a lengthened “yes…honey”.  But you see, I initiated the question.  The real me is beating around the bushes to confess that I need him to pay close attention to me at very moment.  That I want him to come up with a pleasing comment like “I like how those pants look on you (if that is the case of course)” or “Dinner was good today…Those shoes look great…I like speding time with you…” etc.

Would it kill him to comment?  or the real question to me is: Would it kill me to just be real with him and acknowledge that he is not psychic (nor do I ever want him to be) to know when, where, how, and what to comment about me?  It’s about being real with the person we say we love and they say to love us.  Knowing who we are…sharing where we are…dealing with how we are…and not hiding what we are all about.

Now, there are times when I wish he did not comment.  For example, we went out to eat a couple of times with our close friends.  They are a young couple too…(clearing throat)…a young couple too ;-).  We were talking about old times, food, and how we women will SOMETIMES wine about our weight.  He comments about it and says (trying to be funny) that we should get to the gym…every time either one of us girls took the fork to our mouths, he’d make a remark.  Mind you we were all laughing, but still, I was embarassed.  I apologized to my friend.  She just laughed.  We know each other pretty well to know its just fun and games.  But, please…please don’t comment on this, babe.

photo credit: http://peterpanandfamily.blogspot.com

Wings In Motion

Hmm…as you can all see, I have stalled in posting…not because I have not written.  So, the following posts in the next couple of days will be a mix of past post I save on my computer and new thoughts.

Wings in Motion…that’s me.

I am not stationary on my past

I am not stationary on my pain

I am in motion towards a better me

I am in motion towards a better day

What I write is not all that I am; it is a part of me.

What I say is not all I know; it is an extension of me.

What I have and what I look like is not who I am.

I am a child of I Am.  He defines me.

No More Internet

I’ve had to make a choice.  I am no longer going to continue my subscription with my former internet provider.  I am making budget cuts.  So, for the upcoming days, I will be limited on my internet access.  So far, it’s been a bit of an inconvenience, but I can handle it.  It was a step towards recognizing what’s essential and what’s luxury.  For some of you, it is essential because your work is based on such service.  It’s a luxury for others, and that’s okay if you can afford it.  For me, it’s both.  I need it to communicate with many of my close acquaintances and ministry members.  I need it for school related projects.  I need it to write this blog.  I need it to explore possibilities.  OKAY…I NEED it?  I can get by with open WiFi on my laptop at school, or even go to the computer lab for free.  Convenience will just have to wait for me now.  I am in transition.