Confession #1 of 2014

Fear has kept me from blogging. 

What? Yes. Fear of being ungrammatical. Fear of writing too much. Fear of writing too little. Fear of not having any readers. Fear of having the “certain readers”. Fear of MY OWN VOICE might be the root of all this.

You see, I’ve lacked to accept the fact that my voice carries all those elements.  It is many times not grammatically correct.  It sometimes does say too much while other times it does not say enough or anything at all.  Sometimes, I stand alone when I lift my voice.  Other times, I say things “certain people” misinterpret or add to my message. But, all in all, it is MY OWN VOICE. Unique. Beautiful. Eclectic. God-given, God-created, God-leading.  

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My Soul’s Sole

What do you do when you get upset?

Do you stomp around the house? Do you take your anger out on those close to you? If driving, do you speed? If writing, do you scribble? If talking, do you yell? Do you overspend on things you do not need? Do you wine? Do you gossip about your offender? Do you take some sort of subtle revenge like the silent treatment? Do you cry? Do you compulsively clean your cupboards, cabinets, drawers, and floors? Do you exercise? Do you go shopping? Do you eat? Do you lock yourself in your room? Do you act crazy???? Well, do you?

OR Do do you just go to God, and let Him know that you need His help to not react as usual?

I have to confess that I’ve done EVERY single one of the above (no exceptions). Many have brought momentary satisfaction. But, many have made the situation worst. One of my common tendencies is to go to the store. Yes, yes, I love to shop (especially when I am stressed or upset). Now that can be good or bad. If I have money to spend on a pair of new shoes, then it’s great because it gets my mine off things,. I’ll walk around the store with a shopping cart in front of me thinking, ‘How could he! What was he thinking? How does he expect me to react?’ I walk around, and VOILA!….”a beautiful pair of black leather Carlos Santana heels!” They have a belt like clutch in front in a peek-a-boo style 3.5′ shimmering heel. I try them on. I walk to the mirror, and take a look. I’ll take them! Oh, oh wait….how much are they? …WHAT? Under $30.00….I’ll take them. I met my sole!

That’s all. I forgot about the fact that I was upset. But did I really? And, most importantly, did I handle my situation in the most beneficial way for both my husband and myself? Did a moment of satisfaction really, really fix what got me upset? NOT! It’s just a cover up. You know like when you are getting ready for church, for a party, or to go out to dinner, and you notice a ‘flaw’ (a pimple, a sunspot, ‘love mark’, the curly iron’s burn mark, etc)? What is our first reaction? To cover it up. We just don’t have time to resolve the issue at the moment. We do not want to invest extra time every morning with the facial cleanser, or at night with the make-up remover. We don’t want to hassle with sunscreen lotion or sun protective foundation. We don’t want to slow our pace or get up 1/2 hour earlier to avoid accidents with our hair styling apparatuses. We do not want to invest in high quality make-up. It’s just easier to cover up. Now, any girl knows that this compulsive cycle of covering up and never treating the problem will cause damage to our skin. So, why do we do that with our soul?

Sometimes, covering things up seems like the best and easiest idea, but in the long run, it brings greater complications. You see, we may react however we want to, and God will allow that because He is a gentleman. But, why not run things by Him first? We might find that if we deal with things while they are fresh in our heads, we will not so easily get desensitized. Buying a pair of shoes sometimes helps me shake things off, and walk forward. But, what about my Soul’s sole? What do I need to do to make my walk easier in life?….new shoes? The Word says that we should walk in truth. His truths are His promises and principles He left for us. Those are the soles my soul should be walking on every day at any circumstance or situation.