She’s SCANDALOUS I Tell You!

“Who does She think She is?…flaunting her aromatic presence among the dim, grim, and naughty. Those destitute to live in what justly deserving manner their own senseless decisions have taken them to lose heart at the thought of paying up to the deeds of their hands. Sagacious living has been a narrow and less traveled road for so many in sight including yours truly speaking. Yet, she insists on showing herself.”

This, my friends, was the opening statement of one of my drafts for my blog from 8 years ago. It was supposed to be about the very one who had come to my rescue. I was supposed to paint a picture of her as an extended invitation to those whom I considered to be in need of nonjudgemental perspectives. Yet, in those FOUR sentences, I somehow managed to discount the audacity individuals express as they make personal decisions in pursuit of their own destiny. I continue to pompously speak about ‘sagacious living’ as if it can be encompassed in a tiny little box.

‘A tiny little box’ is the precise mindset I was manifesting.  Life is so much bigger. Love is so much greater.  And now, a good TEN years after the first 4 sentences written, I come to the conclusion she has not changed even if I have in a decade. She continues to brush herself against me in the most eloquent subtle ways compare to none. I forget how convincing she is in inviting me to dust the labels off my shoulders and allow myself to be escorted by her hand.  Together, we make heads turn. Together, we make jaws drop. Together, we raise eyebrows. Together, we instantly become food for thought.

She doesn’t let me forget what I’ve done, who I’ve been, and where I’ve gone. Yet,  at the same time, she finds ways to make me not remember that as I explore what I want to do, who I want to become, and where I want to go.

I thought about pressing delete. In our digital world, it is so easy to just press delete thinking all we wrote, viewed, and snapped will go away without a mark. I tried to press delete, but somehow her persistence bid me otherwise. The worth of being me is priceless. The entire me is the accretion of gain, loss, strengths, shortcomings, joy, and grief. Still, she winks at me at every affair whether it be in private or in public. She’s determined to not leave my side at the expense of the hearsay our liaison may produce. The name calling never stops when we’re together.  Those who chose to forget me, too quickly nicknamed me distastefully, but I know my name and who I am. She on the other hand could care less what anyone calls her. Her name is different for every sojourner of life who delights in her company. She faintly sweeps her stance and sways her audience with her audacity to embrace the marginalized and even the prominent. She’s SCANDALOUS I tell you!

Her name is GRACE.

Live with her. Share her. Embrace her.

Time Flies

It’s about four months into 2016, and the cliché expression rings true. There’s so much to do and so much more to be as we tackle the challenges before us. Time flies. It sure does, and they sure exist. Huh? Have you ever had those lingering pesky thoughts that come and annoy you in the les opportune times? They’re the flies that buzz  and make you throw your hands in the air smacking all but that two-winged insect. They usually are found around old decomposing items and in one’s house, they come in when there’s an opening. Let’s get rid of our “TIME FLIES” and leave no room for regrets. Out with the old. Close open wounds. Let time take its course without the distraction of old buzzing things.

Confession #3 of 2014

Something is UP! 2013 for me was a year of sowing and working under the brutal sun rays of trials I thought to be unbearable. Still, the hope of all this having a greater purpose peeked into the lowest of my meadows.  All year I lived with a feeling of “something is up”…”I can’t quite put my finger on it”.  But, sure enough it hit me like a tidal wave crashing my most sacred walls of protection.  Those who knew me well knew I was not well at all.  Getting up was like pushing through layered bars of unmerciful steel.  Again, my spirit whispered, “something is up”.  While it all seemed like a never-ending story of a roller coaster of emotions, I later realized something was up. And, while I spent almost half a year looking down and around, I entered 2014 accepting something is up all along.  I’d like to confess today, SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE UP…I must remember to not let them carry me away into an aimless unknown or taint the beautiful portrait God is painting of my life with unresolved fly-a-ways.  No. When something is up I need to check my spirit.  I need to look up first.

Confession #1 of 2014

Confession #2 of 2014…I had to google how to adjust the settings of my own blogs!

Wings High In Motion

Fear has kept me from blogging. 

What? Yes. Fear of being ungrammatical. Fear of writing too much. Fear of writing too little. Fear of not having any readers. Fear of having the “certain readers”. Fear of MY OWN VOICE might be the root of all this.

You see, I’ve lacked to accept the fact that my voice carries all those elements.  It is many times not grammatically correct.  It sometimes does say too much while other times it does not say enough or anything at all.  Sometimes, I stand alone when I lift my voice.  Other times, I say things “certain people” misinterpret or add to my message. But, all in all, it is MY OWN VOICE. Unique. Beautiful. Eclectic. God-given, God-created, God-leading.  

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Confession #1 of 2014

Fear has kept me from blogging. 

What? Yes. Fear of being ungrammatical. Fear of writing too much. Fear of writing too little. Fear of not having any readers. Fear of having the “certain readers”. Fear of MY OWN VOICE might be the root of all this.

You see, I’ve lacked to accept the fact that my voice carries all those elements.  It is many times not grammatically correct.  It sometimes does say too much while other times it does not say enough or anything at all.  Sometimes, I stand alone when I lift my voice.  Other times, I say things “certain people” misinterpret or add to my message. But, all in all, it is MY OWN VOICE. Unique. Beautiful. Eclectic. God-given, God-created, God-leading.  

The Young Need the Old & Vice Versa

My professors taught me that should not take credit for someone else’s ideas, thoughts, or words.  Most English professors encouraged me to avoid using long quotes in my writing because it questioned my credibility as an original writer.  The exception, so they claimed, is when I find a quote where it serves a greater purpose by not paraphrasing.  The following is something I read on Cottonwood Church’s website for their weekly Sunday’s night service called FUSE.

In the world/Church today, there exists a wall of age separation.  Young and Old don’t co-exist, they don’t intermingle, and they attend separate services.  We are fusing the generations, bridging gaps because no generation can exist by itself or on its own.  The Young need the Old– their wisdom and experience and the Old need the Young– their excitement, passion, and raw energy.  We are not separate, but one generation welded together in heart and character.  Basically, we are in this to change the world.  -FUSE

I saw that happen tonight at OCC’s TLC class.  A group of ladies ages 16-50+ gathered under one roof to be nurtured by the Word of God through Lisa Bevere AND to nurture the younger generation.  I wish I would have taken a picture as I saw a “grandmother” embrace and impart her wisdom into a “daughter”.  It’s so easy to live an isolated life in our American culture.  As a whole we value independence, but when is it too much?

Why does our culture live as if we can succeed without “mothers” and “grandmothers” and still be holistic “daughters”?

Augēre in 2010

Sometimes, all we need is some fresh air, an open mind, and some warmth in our lives to make way for a new perspective.  Sometimes, our world seems upside-down; but it’s not.  Just tilt your head a little.  Choose to see things in a different light, and you will see the beauty of what’s laying before you.

After a long break from “blogging” here and taking a more primitive style of expressing my thoughts (pencil and notebook), I’m ready to share with you this season of my life.  But first ….

August 1997- First Fall Semester at CSU Fresno

December 1997- Dropped Fall Semester due to an unexpected Gynecologic hemorrhage while studying on the 3rd floor of the university’s library.

June 1998- Two Summer Classes at Merced Community College

August 2005- May 2007- Full-time Classes at Merced Community College

August 2007- First Semester at CSU Stanislaus

June 2010- Graduation!!! (B.A. in Liberal Studies with a concentration on TESOL) and most of my Credential Program Courses finished.

Now here we are in August again, except it is the year 2010.  I start school in 22 days.  I am now almost 33 years old, and 15 years after graduating from high school, I am still not letting go of that dream to be an educated women with a voice.  A voice that not only this world can hear, a voice that she follows herself.

Did you know, according to word-origin.com, the month of August was named by the Romans.  The Senate granted Caius Julius Caesar Octavian the honorary title Augustus in 27 BC.  Its connotation was ‘imperial majesty’, and this word was used as an adjective to describe magnificence.  It is said that the word “august” may have derived from the verb augēre (increase).

May you Increase and Prosper in every area of your life!

(3 John 1:2)

Senior Seminar Topic

Those of you who have kept up with my blog know that 2010 came with new surprises as I streamlined the categories of my posts due to a very special lady whose passion for education served as a catalyst to begin to discover my own “Spiral of Literacy”.  Her name is Dr. Joan Wink.  Though we have not met face-to-face in person only through Elluminate (Video Conference Type) and cyberspace communication tools, her lectures have stirred up a storm in me.  I have always known that I want to teach language arts especially to ELLs.  Avid reading was a longing tucked within my heart without evidence.  I questioned myself many times why I could just not finish reading a book or devouring literature as many of my colleagues.  Then I met Joan, and her testimony regarding literacy development hit home.  I began to trace my own literacy development.  New questions merged up:  Is there a critical age for literacy development?  What academic/cultural/environmental factors influence a child’s literacy development?  What are the most effective remedial techniques for early age truncated lit development?  What role does bilingual education play in Literacy Development?…and so much more!

We will be writing our own textbook for my TESOL concentration’s Senior Seminar.  Our class is an elite group of individuals drilled in TESOL methodology, language instruction for English learners, and theoretical constructs in the field of second language acquisition.  All of us are either graduating LIBS/TESOL Seniors or Grad students in the TESOL M.A. program.  Each one of the 20 students will write a chapter with their own chosen topic.  We will work on it for the entire semester.  I did not  think twice on my topic.  It is one that will give me ample opportunity to research past investigations, present projects, and future dilemmas in conjuncture with my personal experiences and pedagogical philosophies.  My research topic is “Literacy Development” focusing on early literacy such as K-3.  Ta-Dah!

Thanks Joan!  You know you are at the top of my list for experts to interview 🙂

Skin of Dead Sheep

There is a quote from an American drama critic and author that states:

Part of the American myth is that people who are handed the skin of a dead sheep at graduating time think that it will keep their minds alive forever. (John Mason Brown 1900-1969)

This quote made me ponder on how this myth falls into the minds of many other institutions here in America.  For example, many church goers believe that their once-a-week church service routine will keep their relationship with God alive.  They are handed a “skin” of biblical principles every week, but it is only to help them learn how to nourish and care for their own skin.  It is not the purpose of the teacher or the preacher to take the spot of Wisdom.  Wisdom and knowledge are two distinct friends.  Knowledge is knowing.  Wisdom is applying what we know.  Graduation time comes for many across the schools of America from preschool graduation to doctorate levels.  A paper is handed into the hands of the achiever, but wisdom is calling out at every corner when he or she is faced with the opportunity to apply such knowledge.  Wisdom must be sought.

Col 1:9-10 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 2:10 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; ¹¹ Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: ¹² To deliver thee from the way of the evil man.

I read in a commentary that the word most used in the Bible for wisdom was “hokmah” which in Hebrew means skill.  My husband has knowledge in fence building, but he also possess the skill of installing them.  When someone else passes their understanding of things to us, in essence they are making us more knowledgeable.  But that knowledge does not make us wise.  A skin of a dead sheep is no longer viable.  It serves other purposes once it is detached from it’s living organism.  Knowledge does not keep us alive on its own.  We must seek to apply it.

Have You Been Hiding Under Someone Else’s Skin?

When God’s Not In Control

I cannot just say that God is in control of everything and expect things to “work out on their own”.  He is in control in our lives when we allow Him to be.  Allowing Him does not mean just saying it but acting in a manner that proves as evidence that our decisions are making room for God to move in the way He longs to move in our lives.  He has ordained me to take charge of many matters.  Genesis speaks of a human race that was ordained into power and authority over this earthly kingdom.  You see…when God speaks, action inevitably follows that word.  We, on the other hand do not reflect such characteristic.  But, we should.  We should be a people of word and action.  The bible is full of scriptures that encourage us to trust God.  Trusting involves action, not just words.  As we take action, we can trust that things WILL work out (not on their own) because He is with us.  When we can’t make it in the natural, then He comes in with His supernatural expertise.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Possibility knocks at my front door everyday.  The impossible I take to His doorsteps through prayer.

Have you taken action today?  Have you prayed yet?